As a New Yorker, money conversations are inevitable. Social plans orbit around its presence. We decline weekly dinners, movie outings and pregame drinks to save a few pennies. We’re not afraid to tell each other we have to sit this activity out due to financial strains, and yet, we could spend every day together and not have a clear understanding of where exactly our pals stand when it comes to finances.
Are they saving money? Are they investing? Do they have a side hustle to make ends meet? How can they really afford their daily $6 matcha?
Even amongst coworkers making the same salary, the conversation is uncharted. One coworker could never bring in lunch and the other avoids the vending machine like Covid in April 2020. In anticipation of a looming recession and in the aftermath of the great resignation, we decided to demystify the unspoken: how should we be talking about money with our friends?
- Make it consensual and propose the conversation in a low stress setting. There’s nothing worse than entering a money conversation unprepared. While we support financial transparency, there’s a difference between boasting your salary and engaging in a mutually beneficial discussion. It is a sensitive topic that mandates good judgment and respect. With that judgment, comes a time and place. Avoid starting money convo’s at a nice dinner and lean into more neutral grounds like a walk or a phone call.
- Start with the basics: We don’t need to dig into student debt the second we allow money to enter the conversation. A simple, “Does this menu look okay price wise?” can go a long way. No one wants to feel like an outcast due to financial limitations. Prevent that feeling from happening. On holidays, instead of saying “Where are you going during break?”, think “How are you going to spend your time over break?” It’s not verbal gymnastics, it’s establishing an equal playing field.
- Splitting checks: be mindful of others. It’s easy not to notice the one who didn’t share the appetizer, or who ordered a soda as opposed to a cocktail. Minute decisions like this add up and make the difference between someone being able to swing the meal or not. Be the advocate you’d want looking out for yourself. A personal pet peeve: splitting tip evenly. If you intentionally didn’t get a drink, why should your tip account for someone who got two $18 glasses of wine.
- Do not assume your money problems take priority. As we start opening up about finances with our peers, comes greater pitfalls. If you’re going to lament your money troubles, be mindful of who’s in the room (hence why financial transparency is key to begin with, knowing your audience). You wouldn’t discuss a silly relationship spat with someone who recently went through a breakup.
TLDR:
Money matters have always been a taboo topic until recently. We trapeze the topic while grazing nearly everything on its cusp. Sports bets? Sure. Spending more than our means? It’s now a TikTok trend!. Without a transparent discourse, come the false pretenses of equal playing fields, ‘My friends ask me if I’m saving. I’m not but that’s because I have my grandparents’ money to fall back on. I know my friends who are asking don’t have that so I am scared to mislead them because they really should be saving but I’m embarrassed to share my extenuating circumstances.” 24 year old Manhattanite. The faux pas of financial openness is the reason that people are misinformed about money. If we’re not talking about it, how will we know to handle it? Lack of conversation results in poor management, “My students don't understand the benefit of building credit. They'd rather get cash. Things like PayDay advances can actually very much screw them over. Payday advances are predatory towards people that do not understand how interest and credit works. Payday advances can put you in debt that you cannot manage.” Ninth grade biology teacher Shayak B in Fort Worth, Texas. We need to talk about it, but that doesn't mean it's free reign. Here are a few questions to get the conversation started respectfully:
How do you make your lifestyle work?
Did you negotiate a salary when you took your job? Do you know anyone else in blank position I could pick their brain about a fair starting salary?
How do you choose when to spend money socially when on a budget?
Does your job offer you a 401k? If so, how much are you contributing to it? I’m just getting started and would love a reference point.
And here my friend, starts our road to financial literacy.
